Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
