Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
