apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
