Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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