Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
