Even the bartender felt bad for me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
