The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
