While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
