the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
