Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
