There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
being pregnant is like rehab
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
