Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
