You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
