Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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