Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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