I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
