idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
