If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
