she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
worst night to have a conscience
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
