he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
