this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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