sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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