remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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