Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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