At least make sure they are 18
Why
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
