My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
