last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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