i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize