dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
