i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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