dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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