well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize