she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize