when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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