he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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