Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Say something about gay babies.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
