This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
