did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
