dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
