3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
