yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
