If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
