Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
