i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
