3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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