definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
