Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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