You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
