That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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