This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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