Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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