Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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