Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
