They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
