Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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