do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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