Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
