What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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