Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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