all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they're like a gay fantastic four
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
