He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
