Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
