I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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