I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
