I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
