watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
