And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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