Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
